Truth Be Told

Every now and then...

...I fail at being honest. As (most likely) we all do on occasion.

In her book The Way of Integrity Dr Martha Beck makes the case for being honest. Always. No matter what.

You might want to take a moment to let that sink in. What does that idea evoke in you?

I would like to imagine that for most of us, honesty is high on our list of values. And yet, studies show that most of us lie most days, multiple times.

From the made-up reason we tell our manager why we’re late for work, to agreeing with our friends that we’d love to go out when all we want is to have a cosy night in, to telling ourselves all the good reasons why we... insert any stories you are telling yourself about yourself that probably turn out to be fiction not fact when questioned.

But why would we do that if honesty is important to us? For an in-depth answer to that question, please read Martha’s book.

Some common reasons include; we lie when we fear we might hurt someone’s feelings, or we worry we might get into trouble, or we are impatient and it’s just easier, or we need to believe in a certain view of our own identity and the world we find ourselves in.

In many coaching and therapy modalities the client is encouraged to question their beliefs and assumptions about themselves, their own intentions, their perception of the world, the people they interact with and humanity in general.

A good question to ask is “Is this true?”.

“100% true? Can you think of one time where that was not true? Can you think of one other reason?”

Martha Beck tells her story of her “No lies for a year” new year’s resolution (you probably know that I would call such an endeavour “Only honesty for a year” but who am I? [rhetorical existential question])

Anyhow, as you can imagine this motto caused quite some upheaval in her life as she went on the wild adventure of self-discovery.

I have no intention of making such declaration because I know I’d be lying to myself right then and there. But every day I do my very best to be honest in my interactions with others and with myself.

Prompts to ponder:

Truth be told, how comfortable are you with telling lies?

• Those little white lies

• The big self-defence lies

• The quiet lies you tell yourself

Take a moment to imagine telling only the truth, always. What comes up for you?

• With curiosity, observe the emotions, scenes, sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts that arise.

When was the last time you told a lie?

• What did you fear might happen by telling the truth?

• What could you have said instead?

A penny, or two, for your thoughts?