Actually, no one cares...
Every now and then...
...I remind myself of this quote “What other people think of you is none of your business” which I believe is by Eleanor Roosevelt. I remember that it was paradigm shifting for me wen I first heard this many moons ago.
Did it magically cure me of my social anxiety and did I never worry about what others might think of me ever again?
No, of course not. But it helped me adjust my perspective in every day life and take myself a little less seriously. And that dropped a ton of weight off my shoulders!
The other part to this is the idea that no one actually cares to notice you anyway because everyone tends to be so very wrapped up in their own world of insecurities.
The thought that no one cares can be interpreted either way of course. No one cares because I … [fill in the blank].
Notice what words want to fill that space for you. Common ones are: because I’m insignificant, boring, too big, too small, too much, not enough.......
Or instead, this frame of “no one cares” can be somewhat liberating. It can remind us to press pause on our attempts at mind-reading what others might think of us which for the most part is very likely to be incorrect anyway and can cause us unnecessary stress in the process.
To be clear, by liberating I don’t mean the “I can do whatever I want no matter what” sort of attitude. I am thinking more along the lines of “I am the ocean and I am a single drop in the ocean” type of philosophy.
Since watching that TEDx Talk I shared with you last week about choosing show-up-in-the-world-wear over “invisiwear”, I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit in different contexts. Whether that’s in class or with friends or simply running errands. But I haven’t yet had the peace and quiet to really sit down and pull at all the different threads that I can feel are wanting to be considered. I want to give this a little bit more time to properly percolate.
So, for today, I’ll leave this here with you in hope that it might start your own mind to wander off into new or familiar territory as an invitation to find a new angle to an old perception and ask yourself what it might look like from a slightly different perspective.
Prompts to ponder:
What am I thinking others are thinking about me?
Why do I think that?
What evidence do I have for that?
What evidence do I have against that?
What do I know to be 100% true about what others are thinking of me?
What do I find myself thinking of other people?
Why do I think that?
Is that true?
Is that helpful?
How does thinking those thoughts make me feel?